The need to be accepted/loved comes third in the Maslow hierarchy, but given that these days in the developed/developing world at least people don't have problems with levels 1 and 2, we can safely assume the need for acceptance is also basic.
There would be no arguments on this need itself, however, what struck me in recent days, is that people want to satisfy this particular need from one particular subset alone. For example, we want our peer group alone to think that we are cool. We want people whom we consider to be cooler than us to think that we are cool too. If people whom we consider to be less cool than us hold us in high esteem, it is of no concern to us. If a person is loved by a lot of people, but is not given attention by just one person they care about, this whole need of theirs goes unsatisfied! They are almost crippled emotionally. Spurned lovers, or people who have been on the other side of the "its not you, its me" should be able to readily relate to this.
In cases of skills/talents the selection of a sub group from which we seek acceptance or validation makes a lot of sense, and indeed a failure to do so should be considered foolishness even. However, when the subset selection is a bit more artificial or when it is from the heart and not the brain - it would do a world of good to consciously recognize that one has chosen to validate oneself from a sub selection of options they have. That they are indeed worthy of love and respect, and that other people continue to value them.
But, one can argue on the lines of ‘What if sometimes there is no choice about what to love? What if the temple comes to Mohammed? What if you just love? without deciding? You just do: you see her and in that instant are lost to sober account-keeping and cannot choose but to love?’ (David Foster Wallace). What if we don't get to choose who we think are cool? What if we want just that special someone to pay us attention or love us back?
I don't really have an answer, but I can continue the quote - ‘Then in such a case your temple is self and sentiment. Then in such an instance you are a fanatic of desire, a slave to your individual subjective narrow self’s sentiments; a citizen of nothing. You become a citizen of nothing. You are by yourself and alone, kneeling to yourself.’ (DFW)
I bet its harsh, but such is life. It goes on. 'In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.' (Robert Frost). There's a new normal, you cannot get back the old normal, but there is a new normal. Check this. It is a failure of imagination to think that there is only one special someone who can or needs to love/accept/validate you. So move on, there's a world out there.
There would be no arguments on this need itself, however, what struck me in recent days, is that people want to satisfy this particular need from one particular subset alone. For example, we want our peer group alone to think that we are cool. We want people whom we consider to be cooler than us to think that we are cool too. If people whom we consider to be less cool than us hold us in high esteem, it is of no concern to us. If a person is loved by a lot of people, but is not given attention by just one person they care about, this whole need of theirs goes unsatisfied! They are almost crippled emotionally. Spurned lovers, or people who have been on the other side of the "its not you, its me" should be able to readily relate to this.
In cases of skills/talents the selection of a sub group from which we seek acceptance or validation makes a lot of sense, and indeed a failure to do so should be considered foolishness even. However, when the subset selection is a bit more artificial or when it is from the heart and not the brain - it would do a world of good to consciously recognize that one has chosen to validate oneself from a sub selection of options they have. That they are indeed worthy of love and respect, and that other people continue to value them.
But, one can argue on the lines of ‘What if sometimes there is no choice about what to love? What if the temple comes to Mohammed? What if you just love? without deciding? You just do: you see her and in that instant are lost to sober account-keeping and cannot choose but to love?’ (David Foster Wallace). What if we don't get to choose who we think are cool? What if we want just that special someone to pay us attention or love us back?
I don't really have an answer, but I can continue the quote - ‘Then in such a case your temple is self and sentiment. Then in such an instance you are a fanatic of desire, a slave to your individual subjective narrow self’s sentiments; a citizen of nothing. You become a citizen of nothing. You are by yourself and alone, kneeling to yourself.’ (DFW)
I bet its harsh, but such is life. It goes on. 'In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.' (Robert Frost). There's a new normal, you cannot get back the old normal, but there is a new normal. Check this. It is a failure of imagination to think that there is only one special someone who can or needs to love/accept/validate you. So move on, there's a world out there.
